Thanks very much for sending this story. I’m sorry it’s not quite right for me.
I loved being back in this world again, with its unique sense of detail, and the sense of gloom or downtrodden-ness I felt in the vibe, but overall the story felt to me more distant from Tomai as a character or more external and objective than I needed in order to empathize with him as much as I needed. I know that the other stories in this world have had a moderately distant narrative perspective, but in this one, I didn’t feel as many tinges of attitude or emotion in the narrative or the dialog as I needed, such as more lines like ‘I thought we had more time’, which for me was a great tinge of emotion; some passages felt to me like procedural description of things happening but without as much tinges of emotion or feel of drive as I needed in order for me to be swept up in it as much as I wanted. The interactions between Tomai and Meera didn’t feel to me quite as much like two people who knew each other very well, even if Meera was somewhat out of it due to a condition, and I didn’t quite feel as much causality behind the motivations of the antagonists or the events of the plot as I needed in order to preclude me wondering why some of those things were happening.
I appreciate your interest in the magazine! It was great to read your work again. I hope you will feel free to send more when you have it. If you ever thoroughly redraft this one along lines such as the above, please feel free to send it back.